carved angel

FIRST DATE IS NOT THE TIME TO REVEAL YOUR HIV STATUS:

DEAR ABBY: I am a blond, slim, 5-foot-10 female -- single and in great shape. People tell me I am beautiful. I am also HIV-positive. I would like to meet someone special and settle down. But as soon as I meet a man I like, I struggle with the question of when to reveal my health situation. I have told them right away and I never hear from them again, which I find very insulting.
Some of my friends tell me I should date a guy for a few months and then say something, but I'd feel betrayed if someone waited that long to tell me.
I don't want to just blurt out the information at a first meeting. I'm very confused. Please help me. -- WANTS TO BE MARRIED, GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR WANTS TO BE MARRIED: There is no need to wear a scarlet letter declaring to anyone who shows an interest that you are HIV-positive. There is EVERY reason in the world to take the time to get to know someone -- and for him to get to know you -- before having sex. When you are finally ready for physical intimacy, you should then disclose your HIV status. If the man loves you, he won't leave you. If he doesn't love you, good riddance.

i guess i must be some kind of bitch, but if i were about to have sex and someone chooses then to disclose their hiv status to me, i'd be so out of there. this has to be just about the dumbest advice i've ever heard. it has little to do with loving someone. because i don't want to risk catching a deadly disease, that means i'm a jerk? i guess by that rationale, i'm not a loving person if i don't stay in a potentially deadly relationship with someone that beats me all the time. besides, some people don't know a whole lot about aids, and if you're about to have sex, you've probably at least kissed the person a few times, and some people still think you can get aids through saliva. can you imagine how freaked out someone would be, having already been physically involved with this person? anyway, i think there are actually dating services just for people that have hiv/aids. maybe she should look into that. i don't know if my ideas regarding aids are out of date, but doesn't it seem a bit like russian roulette to get married and repeatedly have sex like that? condoms aren't completely safe.

i guess i'm just a jerk. if i really cared about the person, i'd feel awful about having to end the relationship, but there's no way i could marry someone with aids. frankly, i don't think there are a lot of people that could.