carved angel

i know i'm just wasting time that i really need to be spending on writing my papers. but i'm just burnt out. i'm tired and depressed and totally brain-dead. i wrote most of my brit lit paper yesterday - about three of four pages - and it's absolute shite. i will be very, very lucky to get a c on it. that's assuming i can even think of a way to finish the damn thing. i just can't bring myself to come back to it, coz i know i need to just write it all over again. but i'm too damn tired, and there's no time.

so today i'm trying to do my african american lit paper, which is also due on tuesday. maybe if i can eke out something decent, i'll be better prepared to write my brit lit paper. or re-write. whatever. unfortunately, for the last half of this semester, my notes have been pretty bad, and i rely heavily on them when i write my papers. i looked over all the questions i have to choose from for my aa lit paper, then looked at the corresponding notes, and i have nothing. i don't even remember discussing any of it. how i'm going to manage six pages, i have no idea.

and i'm blogging about it coz i feel like my head is going to fucking explode, and when i just tried to talk to shadow about it, he just yelled at me. i am so frustrated. if i could, i would gladly pay someone an insane amount of money just to write these damn papers, so i wouldn't have to think about them anymore. i don't even care about getting a's at this point. i'll just be happy to pass with c's this semester. i don't think i'm capable of above-c work right now...

i did take my education final this morning. it looks like i should have an a for that class anyway. maybe it'll balance out the c i'll be getting in brit lit, if i'm lucky. i'm scared to death of failing that class. i don't know if i talked about it on here, and if i haven't, i'll discuss it more in length later, but after this semester, the english lit program at st. pete is effectively being scrapped. if i fail any of my english classes this semester, i am utterly screwed. forget library school, i may not get a degree at all.

so you can see why i'm so stressed.

paralyzed with fear, more like.

anyway, i have to magically pull four take home finals papers out of my ass. (try not to think too hard about that imagery.) at my best, i can't write four (good) pages without struggling. i have to write about 30 total pages this week. and a passing grade for at least one class hinges on me doing it well.

i'm gonna sing the doom song.