carved angel

well, this was my first mother's day without my mum. i keep reminding myself how nice her last mother's day was. we had lunch with shadow's mum today and ended up talking about my mum a lot. i find that i don't really talk much about her anymore unless someone else brings the subject up first. then i can't shut up about her. though i stayed up late last night, i had to be up this morning to get ready, and mum woke me up at exactly 10. just when i'd needed to be up. it was in this dream i was having. weird, ne? i think now that the insanity of school is over, maybe i won't be able to ignore this anymore. i feel like i hold all this in all the time. like i can't talk to anyone or even cry anymore. i do cry, though. when i let myself think about it. maybe i'll make some progress now that i have time to think. i still miss her terribly...

it was good to see pam today, though. i'm so thankful to have such a nice mother-in-law. i wish we saw her more often, but it's hard since the thanksgiving debacle, as we're kind of avoiding gary. pam said he's been coughing so hard lately he's been blacking out from lack of oxygen. i guess i feel a little sorry for him. i'd feel more sorry if he hadn't had a hand in making my husband an unstable, tempramental, abusive nutjob. (don't mind me, it's probably the tequila talking.) anyway, i do feel badly for pam and the boys. and jason and ashley, too, since their mum died a couple years back. well.

so in other news, i finally got my brit lit grade. c+. one point away from a b-. that happens to me a lot, it seems. i don't even give a shit anymore. i'm just glad i passed. so now i have three classes this summer, and i'm done.

oh, and here's what my kind sensei said in his email to me. it almost made the hell that was last week worth it.

"You did a great job on your final. The essays reflected the thinking of an historian. 20/20 points. Semester grade is 90/100=A-. Good luck in the remainder of your academic life."

shut up. i just found it rather flattering. compliments from tough profs always mean a lot to me. :blush:

robot chicken is on and i have to go watch it.