carved angel

i've been pretty down today. i just haven't felt like doing much of anything for the past couple of days. i haven't even played any video games. just randomly watching tv and reading and not doing anything i'm supposed to be doing. well, except applying for that job.

also, i was looking at my archives, between my last birthday and the time mum died. that was pretty depressing. it seems like i actually had something to say back then, though. i don't say much anymore. of course, almost everything i've ever written here is a complaint or rant of some kind.

and nothing ever really changes.

i mean, it does, a bit. but fundamentally, things are still the same. my life has all these patterns that keep repeating themselves.

like i never know what to do about anything. and i'm lonely as hell.